When Mommy is a Marine

The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the usual types of stuff: Spilled milk, pennies saved. Only Janie, her smartest student, was left.
“Janie, do you have a story to share?”
“Yes ma’am,” Janie said with confidence. “My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she could grab was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 elite Iraqi troops.”
The teacher was speechless, so Janie continued.
“She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets. Killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke. And then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
“Good Heavens!” said the horrified teacher. “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”
“Don’t Screw with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”

More an illustrated joke than a meme, really, but when one of my most liberal friends posted it, and even “Liked” my comment (“And here I thought the lesson would be, ‘When you grab your pistol, be sure to grab a second magazine, too!'” 🙂 ), I decided to give it a home.

Wish I knew who the gal is — I’d love to have her behind me anytime I had to venture into a dark alley. I searched and found the photo is widely used, only occasionally accompanied by this delightful though apocryphal story, but without any identification or details on any of the examples I looked at.

Update: A reader says the gal is Lisa Marie Bickels, who apparently really is a former Marine (corporal), and a competition body builder and Iron Man competitor. A plus for me: she’s from Colorado! (But I haven’t seen anything that says she’s a mommy.) Thanks for letting me know.


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Randy Cassingham is best known as the creator of This is True, the oldest entertainment feature on the Internet: it has been running weekly by email subscription since early 1994. It is social commentary using weird news as its vehicle so it’s fun to read. Click here for a subscribe form — basic subscriptions are free.

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