The Personnel Office has issued the following guidelines regarding such storms. Pay attention to the news, especially the “Category” of the hurricane, and apply the relevant policy accordingly:
Category 1:
Not an excuse for being tardy. To ensure you can punch in at your assigned time, leave plenty early to avoid fallen trees.
Category 2:
Due to horizontal rain, “Office Casual” clothing is approved.
Category 3:
As most of the area could be flooded, we suggest you avoid wearing open-toed sandals to work. Canoes/kayaks will be provided for access into buildings via the second story.
Category 4:
Due to the probability of long-term power outages, office personnel will be provided with manual typewriters so they can continue to fill out forms. Since carbon paper is generally no longer available, you will need to type eight copies of most forms manually.
Category 5:
While seat chains were removed as part of last year’s contract negotiations, the new contract’s sub-clauses do allow for their reintroduction “in emergency situations.” Be sure to fasten them tightly, as it’s likely high winds will blow out most windows in the building. Be sure to attach one end to the anchor point to ensure you are not blown out the window, since such would not be a valid excuse for being absent from your desk.
For any questions, please contact your section’s Personnel Representative. Note that replies may be delayed as this week is their normal Retreat Week in Honolulu.
Thank you for your attention to these important policies.
—Company Management
I think I used to work for that company.
Comments and Nav are Below.
Randy Cassingham is best known as the creator of This is True, the oldest entertainment feature on the Internet: it has been running weekly by email subscription since early 1994. It is social commentary using weird news as its vehicle so it’s fun to read. Click here for a subscribe form — basic subscriptions are free.
Jump to Random Meme